Isolation. Withdrawn. Suicidal ideation…I had been numbing out on anything and everything for years just to keep “those” memories locked up and pushed away. And somehow the links and locks weren’t working. I started to seek help – someone deep inside me wanted to hang on. I finally owned that I was a Veteran. The memories I locked away always created shame and distance to everything. I began working with a therapist. And I started the google search for help. Operation Reds Wing Foundation popped up on that Search. And I believe it was a “God Thing”. The moment I sent an email to inquire about the program – which I thought would land into an abyss and never hear anything back – I got an email within hours. And within a day, I was signed up to a Female Veterans Group focused on PTSD recovery. What just happened!? Scared and hopeful at the same time. My therapist and I worked until the day I boarded the plane…because I was coming up with ANY excuse not to go – Fear to open the locked box, Fear to integrate with other people, Fear to be rejected, Fear of Validation. But I boarded that plane, overpacked, and raw of emotion and guarded. Just jumping into that Van and feeling the energy of the Team Lead and other women – you just know when it’s right – a right place to be in your life and a sense of safety. What is 5 days feels like a month, and you don’t want it to end. Your locked up inner self will hear the words from so many women, “You are worthy, you are enough, you are beautiful, you just are…” Words and feelings you haven’t let yourself feel or hear in years. The itinerary of the 5 days allows a freedom to growth – incredible flow of energy – no pressure – an openness and safe place to share. With group involvement and one on one therapy sessions – I got a sense of feeling grounded and accepted. The struggles of PTSD are still there. But they are encompassed in memories of fellow female veterans smiling and laughing and connecting with you and saying, “You are an amazing warrior – you got this.” I battle the memories, but I now have tools and friends who check in with me to hold my hand along my journey of Growth and I am incredibly grateful. Just a 5-day program, in the middle of nowhere, ignited me to break the lock and slowly unravel the chains and begin a healthy spiritual journey of Growth. God Bless my female Veterans and to the Operation Red Wings Foundation.
Marlene Lopez
U.S. Air Force Veteran
ORWF Retreat Alumni
